He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
