i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Someone shit on the floor
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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