Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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