I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
