For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize