so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
