My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we're making bets on your personal life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
