I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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