i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
