..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
