kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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