i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
