Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize