I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
