she was so not down for the gang bang
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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