Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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