planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
