I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Randomize