Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
