woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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