do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
