you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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