Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
