someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
