This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
