yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
