my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
