he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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