based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I know her cup size but not her name....
So. Much. Porn.
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