dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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