I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i will never coherently bang her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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