it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
