Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
