what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
