Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
