I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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