I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize