He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
