No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
