Having a random hookup so left but love u
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
