you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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