i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
