I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
