i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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