Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
