I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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