It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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