i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
