I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
