So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
