I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
