I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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