I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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