from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
