i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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