I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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