we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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