I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We left an ass print on the piano.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
