Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
