WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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