i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
