How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
