people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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