wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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