A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
