I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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