She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
