Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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