I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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