if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I cut my penus on the lid.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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