erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
