god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
