Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
