Dual....:-)
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
