Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
