he thought i was a dude.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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