All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
