Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
