I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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