i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
