So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
