Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
