Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
