I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
