You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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