That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
