Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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