drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
