Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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